Bentley, that final haven for British-engineered luxury, has announced plans to begin the Arnage Final Series. Obviously, what one would infer from this is their intent to discontinue the Arnage line. This leaves only the Phaeton… I mean, Continental, which we all know is really German. This means that British luxury car engineering as we know it will soon come to an end. It seems there has been a transition in their market. The Continental was designed for New Money, people who would view the Arnage as, shall we say, an heirloom.

It’s sad, really. And with all this talk of the Continental Supersports series, it would seem Bentley’s going through an identity crisis. Bentley was never about being sporty (Le Mans doesn’t count), it was about excess, extravagance and hearty lumps of power. Any road performance that resulted from this was a second-hand consequence, not a goal. So what does Bentley make? Do they make high-performance touring saloons, sports cars, or palatial barges?

But, lo, what do we have here!? A compromise? Enter the Mulsanne, which Bentley say (honoring the British tendency to treat organizations as individual parts in speech) will be made available in 2010. It was unveiled early this week at Pebble Beach, where they hailed it as a “tribute to a bygone era,” and “the pinnacle of British luxury motoring.”

I have to say I was a little bit skeptical at first. It shares a lot with the Continental in terms of side- and rear-panels, yet upon closer inspection, contains hints of Bentleys past. This similarity ends at the front grille, where a classic, blunt nose takes charge. To heck with aerodynamics, this wasn’t created for performance. Just look at the sheer size of the thing. This is the meat-and-pudding, this is the real deal, just a little updated.

And it doesn’t end with appearances. There will be none of this W12 nonsense. Under the bonnet, as Bentley promise, will be a proper V8. Things aren’t looking so bleak after all. This is development, I say. While the Arnage may soon be discontinued it seems there is a more-than-adequate replacement in the wings.

Express summary:

Aired 2 August 2009
Guest: Jay Leno
TG test lap car: Holden Maloo; 1:27.1 & Vauxhall VXR8 Bathurst; 1:26.3

Jay Leno appeared on this week’s episode as the Star in a Reasonably-priced Car, the apparent highlight of the show. In contrast to other interviews the talk centered mostly around cars and Leno’s extensive collection which Clarkson read off to the amazement of the audience.

Episode 7 saw the (albeit late-coming) return of the Cool Wall in which Clarkson and Hammond inevitably fight, resulting in a car placed too high for Hammond to reach.

The show takes a weird twist at the end in Clarkson’s review of the Aston-Martin V12 Vantage. What starts out as a scenic drive through the dreary countryside turns into a flagrant display of depression. The camera cuts to Jezza, who begins to mourn what he sees as the impending end of cars as we know them. Citing environmentalism, oil supplies, and the war on speed, among others, he condemns V12 behemoths to the ‘books of history.’

“This feels like an end,” Clarkson says

The phrase is taken by some to mean not only the end of sports cars, but the end of Top Gear.

All the viewers get at the conclusion of season 13 is “good night,” and the credits start rolling.

Shortly after episode 7 aired the Internet was awash with Tweets and blog entries asking the same question: “is Top Gear over?”

No, according to BBC officials, who also denied Schumacher was the Stig at the beginning of the series.

According to “the Mole,” a Top Gear insider, season 14 is set to air in November.

Reflecting on all season 13 has brought, it’s probably safe to say no one is sure about anything. Is Schumacher the Stig? Is Top Gear over for good? At least nothing’s set in stone.

In this episode:

News:
Ferrari unveils replacement for the 430: The 458 Italia
Hooligans in Amsterdam have started a new trend: tossing SmartCars into city canals

Clarkson and May produce multiple advertisements for the Volkswagen Scirocco, each one mortifying in its own way.

Clarkson ‘reviews’ the Aston-Martin V12 Vantage

Express summary:

Aired 26 July, 2009
Guest: Brian Johnson
TG test lap car: BMW Z4; 1:28.2 & Nissan 370Z GT; 1:27.5

As the end of another season of Top Gear approaches it’s important to reflect on where the show is going. If the BBC budget cuts continue, we may be faced with yet another short season. However, season length over the past hasn’t shown a definite trend, so let’s just hope for the best.

As far as quality is concerned, it seems as though some of the hosts’ personality quirks are getting a bit old, making the show all but predictable. Don’t get me wrong, I like the hosts, but maybe it’s time for a change. Perhaps the addition of a new co-host or a slightly different format would do the trick.

One idea would be to make the show more relevant to U.S. viewers. Negotiations had been underway to launch a Top Gear US franchise, but those fell through. Besides, it would be distasteful if Americans ripped off yet another British television program. Jay Leno had been approached with an offer to host an NBC version of the show but declined, citing difficulties to match the luster of the original. Leno maintains he is a true fan of the show, which will be reinforced in the season finale as he makes an appearance as the “Star in a Reasonably-priced Car.”

Nevertheless, the season finale is shaping up to be a good show. While this week’s was perhaps the most boring yet it seems like everything that had been scheduled to fit in previous shows is now being pushed to the finale. The satirical advertising of the Volkswagen Scirocco and airport vehicle racing promised for next week should be more entertaining than the miserable beater rally featured earlier this week.

No word yet on what Season 14 will be like, but expect a torrent of information sometime soon.

In this episode:

News:
New Range Rover to have front, rear, and side cameras for the best viewing angles while off-roading
Morris Marina owners threaten to throw own feces at Jeremy Clarkson

Clarkson reviews the new BMW Z4 and Nissan 370Z GT, in the company of CGI dinosaurs roaming the TG track.

The TG trio set off to buy classic cars at auction in an attempt to find out whether or not classic cars are better than their modern counterparts. Hammond buys a 1953 Lanchester (London taxi); Clarkson, a 1969 Austin Healey; May, a 1977 Citroën Ami 8. The presenters are then told to enter a time trial rally on the Spanish island of Mallorca. Each presenter is then randomly assigned a co-driver to help them with the timing on their special sections: Hammond is assigned a, well, a dwarf mechanic; Clarkson, a Spanish-speaking SEAT retiree; May, a supermodel.

Season 13, Ep. 7 preview:

Review: Audi R8 V10 & Corvette ZR-1
Challenges/features: Clarkson and May make Volkswagen Scirocco advertisements that aren’t boring; Airport vehicle racing
Guest: Jay Leno

At some point, every family takes a summer vacation in the mountains. It’s inevitable, as was the case with my family. This past June, we loaded up our brand-new Lincoln MKX rental (review to follow) and made for Rocky Mountain National Park and the nearby town of Estes Park, Colorado.

After spending a week at 9,000 feet, we decided to ease ourselves back to sea-level by staying in Denver for a couple days, at a modest 5,000 feet. Out of sheer luck, our hotel ended up being only ten minutes from the Caterham USA base-of-operations.

If you’re not familiar with these cars, they’re basically the result of years spent perfecting Lotus’ 7-series roadster. In the early ‘70s Caterham purchased the production rights to the super light-weight Seven from Lotus when they decided to discontinue their own line. Not much has changed in the original design. Today most models weigh in at a little over half a ton, but pack more than enough power to tear up a track while at the same time a maintain a statement in minimalist design. This pushes the car market to an extreme where there is as little as possible to get between the driver and the experience of driving.

I just had to see if I could visit, so I picked up the phone and called. I spoke with Ben, part of the father-son team that manages both Caterham’s US operations and Rocky Mountain Sportscars. He said they really didn’t have what you would call a showroom, but something much better…

I entered their sales office and continued through an open door into a seemingly ordinary garage, the closest thing to a Caterham Mecca this side of the Atlantic: Inside there was a new Caterham in various stages of assembly, a pre-owned Roadsport SV, a stripped-down Lotus 7 body, and a Lotus Type 61. As I walked in Ben was finishing up work on one of the cars. For the next hour we talked as I made my boyish obsession with the cars more than obvious.

Following is one of the more interesting bits of our conversation:

CARBUFF: Whenever I see the price of a new Caterham, it says without an engine…

Ben: Because it’s a kit, you can’t bring it in with an engine, because of the EPA regulations. If it has an engine with it, and it’s disassembled, it’s considered a vehicle and has to pass all the EPA and NHTSA requirements. So then we have to have six airbags, we have to have five mile-per-hour bumpers, we have to have full emissions certification. Whereas these pass an emissions tail-pipe test, they don’t have the certification, which is pretty expensive to get. So, we sell them as kits and then you can buy the engine from your Ford dealers. They’re about $3,000 brand-new, or you can get one used for $600 or $700. We sell everything but the engine, so all the parts that are on this engine, all the covers, nuts and bolts, tensioners and belts, everything all from the kit. You just need to buy the aluminum engine from Ford and then put the Caterham parts on, and it’s ready to go. And it doesn’t include the transmission. It’s just the Caterham six-speed or the five-speed, which you can find from all different sources. Five-speeds are around $1,100. Six-speeds, with the exchange rate right now, there probably around $3,400.

CB: I remember there was this one Top Gear episode where they tried to assemble…

Ben: Where they built one before the Stig got there, yeah. My buddy, who’s the sales technician, he does car delivery, inspections, all the press cars, he said that chassis had to go back to the fabricator to be re-skinned, those guys messed it up so bad.

CB: They did!

Ben: They just trashed it, yeah. They said that car had to go back to the guys who built the steel space-frame. So they took all the aluminum off, re-blasted it, re-powdered it, re-skinned it, and started over…

CB: Because, I remember, Clarkson kept on taking the washers and hiding them so that James May couldn’t put it together the right way, which would take more time. I thought it was hilarious.

Ben: Yeah, those guys are pretty, pretty goofy. I think the sales office wasn’t too pleased with that one.

As I later found out, the new Caterham I saw as I walked in wasn’t some run-of-the-mill model. In fact, it was the first US-spec R500, the fastest Caterham yet, which can accelerate to 60 mph in less than three seconds, leaving other supercars in its dust. In fact, Caterham is giving all other supercar manufacturers a run for their money. The average price for a new Caterham is $50,000, and since the number of new ones that get sold in the US each year number in the tens the rarity is above and beyond a Lamborghini or Ferrari.

But what really seals the deal here is the level of exclusivity. While driving one in Britain will undeservedly single you out as a kit-box gear-head, driving down an American street will have two different effects: Admiring car buffs will know what you’re in while the clueless will gawk out of amazement.

Spec summary:

Caterham R500
2.0 L 4-cylinder RWD
263 bhp, 177 lb-ft
150 mph top speed (governed), 0-60 mph in 2.9 s
MSRP £37,995*

* When the first US-spec R500 goes up for sale, expect it to fetch about $80,000

Express summary:

Aired 19 July, 2009
Guest: Sienna Miller
TG test lap car: Jaguar XFR; 1:26.7

Shortly after last week’s post my roommate called me up and accused me of hatin’ on front-wheel drive. This guy drives a Fiat…Chrysler PT Cruiser, so I didn’t dare insult him any more since he belongs to a cult of people who love that car. In a similar vein, the TG trio destroys yet another Morris in this week’s episode, likely inciting that owners’ club once again.

Jezza, Captain and Hamster take on a challenge to prove to their producers what I brought up in last week’s post:

“All teen drivers will tell you that front-wheel drive, modern cars are for the weak. And that if you’re at all serious about your driving, you have to have a car with rear-wheel drive. And we agree with them, even James May. But our producers disagree, they think we’re talking clap-trap. So, to try and prove their point, they gave each of us £1,500, told us to buy a rear-wheel drive car with it, and then to go to Calais where we would be given a number of stab wounds…no, not stab wounds…hats…what’s the word?…not sausages…challenges, yes, that!”

What follows are the predictable break-downs, ramming of May’s car and insults directed toward the French. And like every other challenge, this one proves nothing other than the fact a brand-new Renault Twingo 133 is faster than twenty-year-old sports cars. However, I don’t think the producers of the show, who set the challenges, understand what I maintain: That rear-wheel drive is a more enjoyable, visceral experience than front-wheel drive, not that it is necessarily faster. But for that matter, in what racing league can a car with front-wheel drive be found?

The regular news segment makes note of the Autonomible (ATNMBL), developed by the firm which worked on Google’s Android phone, whose researchers came to the conclusion that driving is not natural for human beings. I suppose this makes sense only, if by applying Kant’s Categorical Imperative, you come to the same conclusion that it’s not natural for human beings to sit behind a computer and develop the Autonomobile in the first place. Imbeciles.

I was debating on whether or not I should post a picture of the ugly thing, but I figure it has some shock value. The skinny on it being that the ATNMBL drives for you, this not a revolutionary concept due to both the nature of innovation and that, as just a concept, there is no way to apply it in real-life.

I could go on forever about the decline of the automobile, but I promise I’m done…for now.

Only two more episodes left this season!

Also in this episode:

News:
Google phone developers unveil the “Autonomobile” to relieve humans of the task of driving, which their researchers maintain is not natural for us
Jaguar to launch all-new XJ: 385 hp, 121 mph top speed, 0-60 mph in 5.4 s
California Bugatti Veyron driver receives 210 mph speeding ticket, and for only $500

Review of the new Jaguar XFR, “as good as an M5,” spec summary:

5.0 L supercharged V8 RWD
510 bhp, 461 lb-ft
155 mph top speed, 0-60 mph in 4.7 s
MSRP $80,000

The trio purchases three rear-wheel drive cars for under £1,500, which are then subjected to a series of challenges.

Clarkson attaches a trailer of tomato plants to the back of a Range Rover in an attempt to eliminate its carbon dioxide emissions.

Season 13, Ep. 6 preview:

Review: BMW Z4*
Challenges/features: Are classic cars better than their modern counterparts?
Guest: Brian Johnson

* Apparently the Z4 review scheduled for this week’s episode has been pushed up to the July 26 show

Express summary:

Aired 12 July, 2009
Guest: Usain Bolt
TG test lap car: Ford Focus RS; 1:29.3 & Renault Mégane R26.R; 1:28.1

This week’s episode saw Clarkson and Hammond putting the new Ford Focus RS and Renault Mégane R26.R to the test. They’re two cars that take completely radical approaches to the same market. Whereas the Ford is based on more power while keeping the same level of comfort and versatility, the Renault is the result of weight reduction and poseur racing accessories: 4-point harness, red wheels and even scaffolding in the back. While this addition makes the Renault faster through the corners and results in an overall better lap time, it renders the car awful to drive. It’s clear that the better car is the Ford. In the Ford you get four seats, satellite navigation, air conditioning and 300 bhp while the Renault gets by with 230, no air conditioning, no satellite navigation, and only two uncomfortable bucket seats. But even if the Renault was a good car you still wouldn’t want it since you’ll look like you’re trying to over-compensate for something (I refuse to post picture of it, so you’ll just have to search it yourself)…

But even though the Focus is the better car you wouldn’t want it, and for one reason: It’s front-wheel drive. I really don’t understand the movement from rear- to front-wheel drive over the past two decades, but stop it, stop it now!

Honestly, whose bright idea was this? Somewhere there was a man who said “yes, I think it would be a good idea to have the front wheels take care of both the power and the steering.” When has multitasking resulted in a better result over tackling things individually? Front-wheel drive results in under-steer, which makes it harder to spin out in winter, but can kill you in a race. The front wheels can either pull you through a corner or get you around it, not both at the same time. More power through the corner means less turning and more turning, less power. The resulting experience does away with any pleasure there once was in driving. In a rear-wheel drive car, cornering is an art of finesse while in the front-wheel set-up it’s just a problem you have to deal with between two given points.

Sadly, it seems as though cars have been getting gradually worse over the years. While the cars of today are safer, more fuel-efficient and more reliable, they just aren’t enjoyable anymore. Every year some manufacturer (e.g. Mercedes) comes out with yet another way to separate you from the car: ABS, STM, TCS, automatic braking, sequential transmissions, and the list will inevitably get longer. But I think, more importantly, this underlines a more important human transition: Do we want to be involved in our world anymore, or is driving just becoming too much of a bother, is it below us?

Also in this episode:

News:
Lamborghini to launch RWD-only “Valentino Balboni” trim for Gallardo
Pagani to launch Zonda Cinque: 678 hp, 217 mph top speed, 0-60 mph in 3.4 s
Chinese mfg. Geely launches “GE,” a shameless Rolls-Royce Phantom rip-off

Hammond and May race the British postal service across Great Britain in the Porsche Panamera. While this might end up being a good car (and a rival for the Maserati Quattroporte), it’s most certainly not a proper Porsche by any measure. It might look like a stretched-out 911, but the insides are all jumbled up and there’s an 8-cylinder under the hood. Despite its ugliness, Porsche might have another hit if the Cayenne was any indication.

Clarkson flees a contingent of British Army soldiers using “live” ammunition in yet another attempt to show off his badassness.

Season 13, Ep. 5 preview:

Review: BMW Z4
Challenges/features: Seeking petrolhead heaven in three £1500 rear-wheel drive coupes; Airport vehicle racing
Guest: Sienna Miller

There’s a new kid in town.

Lamborghini, king of the so-called “Hyper-cars,” has lost its crown. This is a title the firm carried since the introduction of the Countach in ‘74, the car that created that niche of madness. The Countach wasn’t the result of some neurotic obsession with the Nürburgring, it was rather very demonic in nature. Whereas other car manufacturers had been obsessed with producing models that were characteristically fast, luxurious or practical, Lamborghini philosophy was based on something a little unorthodox: Insanity.

Sadly, following a 1998 acquisition by Audi AG, the Raging Bull began a steady downward spiral into domestication. The introduction of all-wheel-drive in the Murciélago and Gallardo models reigned in all that unrelenting torque, which resulted in something awful: A sports car. The good news is there’s a new Italian firm rushing in to fill the vacuum: Pagani.

Pagani launched the Zonda in ’99, and since then worked to perfect it into the Zonda F. While the original Zonda was undoubtedly a Hyper-car, it wasn’t until after Lamborghini got watered down and Zonda beefed up that the truth became obvious.

The most crucial component considered to determine whether or not something is a Hyper-car is its design. The front end of the Zonda exudes aggression, it just looks like it wants to murder and consume onlookers. A styling point worth mentioning is the cockpit-styled cabin, making it look like an über-cool jet fighter. The stainless-steel finish harkens back to the DeLorean DMC-12, a car that managed to be cool without being remotely fast. To finish it off, the rear exhaust is arranged like the afterburners on a jet, completing the jet-fighter scheme.

The engine of the Zonda was engineered by Mercedes’ AMG division, responsible for the same insanity that produced the SL65 Black Series. There’s no doubt in my mind this engine has a pedigree of madness, evidenced by the fact that it’s one of the largest V12 engines ever made. Most cars with this much power have the torque split evenly between all wheels to ensure control and efficient delivery of power, but it’s clear the Zonda isn’t about that. While competitor’s models might boast faster lap times, the Zonda will be much quicker off the line without the lag in acceleration of all-wheel-drive vehicles like the Murciélago.

Ultimately, what it comes down to is which poster a boy will put up in his room, and my money’s on the Zonda’s. I’m not arguing the Zonda is a better car than the Murciélago or the Murciélago, but that the Zonda is a true Hyper-car.

Spec summary:

Pagani Zonda F
7.3 L V12 RWD
594 bhp, 561 lb-ft
220 mph top speed, 0-60 mph in 3.5 s
MSRP $694,000

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Express summary:

Aired 05 July, 2009
Guest: Michael McIntyre
TG test lap car: Mercedes-Benz SL65 AMG Black Series; 1:23.0

This week’s Top Gear episode was situated around two wild spectacles: Ken Block’s Gymkhana that propelled a viral video movement and The AMG Black Series. If you’re reading this now, chances are you’ve already seen a Ken Block video. If not, you need to query the name immediately because words cannot describe what he is able to accomplish with something as mundane as a car.

Mercedes, the German manufacturer that touts the manifestation of their precision engineering, has created something so vile and pointless it marks the beginning of what is quickly becoming an identity crisis. This week’s episode featured the Mercedes-Benz SL65 AMG Black Series, the very abomination of which I speak. This is one of those European cars that occasionally manages to defy a characteristic sensibility: A muscle car.

Is there any point to 670 horsepower and 740 lb-ft of torque? Yes, but only when the car is built for it, and the SL65 Black wasn’t. What Mercedes has done is taken a perfectly fine automobile and injected it with insanity, thereby ruining it. More of a good thing isn’t always better, which is a lesson Merc has yet to learn. The SL65 was built as a high-performance luxury coupe and has ended up a freak. In building the Black, Mercedes dropped the ride-height, tightened the suspension, addled the engine and replaced the comfortable luxury seats with buckets. The result does the original car no justice.

A while ago Top Gear conducted a public survey of customer satisfaction across various makes and models. Mercedes scored significantly low on the list, a shock to almost anyone. Although I think I’m beginning to understand why. Obviously the cars are qualitatively better than the occasional Citroens and Renaults that scored higher than it, so that can’t be the problem. It’s when people buy a Mercedes, they either don’t know what to expect or have expectations that run contrary to reality. Unlike other German manufacturers that are clearly about sportiness or economy or what have you, Mercedes tries to be everything. You want performance? The SL-class is for you. Luxury? The S-class. A Gangster’s respect? The G-class (obviously). Functionality? The R-class.

Quite simply, Mercedes might have anything you want, but you can’t have everything. The SL65 Black embodies this issue: The luxury, quality, and marginal functionality of the regular SL has been replaced with the crude excess that has become Mercedes.

Season 13, Ep. 4 preview:

Review: TBA
Challenges/features: Porsche Panamera race against postal service; Jeremy vs. British Army
Guest: Usain Bolt

My college roommate, who lives in the Chicago area and works at a car wash, texts me daily updates on the cool cars he comes across. I, living in a smaller community, get excited when I spot a rare exotic. What really bugs me, though, is when no one else spots them. If you’re going to spend over $100 K on a car, at least buy one that’s going to turn heads.

Recently I’ve spotted a Maserati Quattroporte cruising the streets of downtown. The last time I saw it was parked around the back of my work. I was taking a few burnt-out fluorescent bulbs to the dumpster and just had to take a picture of it. Just then, a couple of kids on skateboards went by without so much as a glance at the car. Appalled, I had to confront them.

“Do you know what kind of car this is?”
“No…”
“A Maserati.”
“What’s that?”

Sadly the best car that Maserati has turned out in the last twenty years isn’t as sharp-looking as it should, which can be attributed to Ferrari’s purchase of the firm. Since then, Maserati has become the Ferrari for people who can’t afford a Ferrari. Despite styling by Pininfarina, the Quattroporte isn’t exotic, it’s just smart-looking. And you can spend a lot less than $117 K and still get smart out of a car. Only a true motorhead is going to realize what you’re driving, and if that isn’t exclusivity, I don’t know what is.

If you couldn’t figure it out, Quattroporte is so named because it is a four-door sedan. Maserati has effectively opened up a market that simply wasn’t there: The four-door sport exotic. Since then, Lamborghini has responded with the four-door Estoque concept, Porsche with the Panamera, and Aston-Martin with the Rapide concept. Look for this market to grow even further as Lamborghini and Aston-Martin make their answers realities.

Spec summary:

Maserati Quattroporte
4.2 L V8 RWD
405 bhp, 339 lb-ft
177 mph top speed, 0-60 mph in 5.1 s
MSRP $117,500